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Communication between two people - Kateryna Kovarzh

Understanding Sympathy and Empathy

Funeral Directors particularly need to understand the difference between sympathy and empathy in order to relate to our clients, providing professional support through compassion and sensitivity and a genuine show of care.

It is all to easy to think there is  a common way in which we deal with grieving families. Nothing could be further from the truth. In listening better, we understand more, enabling us to relate to the thoughts, emotions and experiences of others.

Empathy and sympathy are both emotional responses to the experiences of others, but they differ in how a person connects with someone else’s feelings:

  1. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. When you’re empathetic, you put yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagine how they must be feeling. It involves a deep sense of connection and often leads to a response that acknowledges their emotional state. For example, if a friend is sad, empathy means you feel their sadness with them, even if you’re not personally affected by the situation.
  2. Sympathy is feeling compassion or pity for someone else’s suffering but without necessarily sharing their emotional experience. It involves acknowledging the other person’s emotions but remaining somewhat detached from them. For instance, you might say, “I’m sorry you’re going through this,” which expresses concern or sorrow for their hardship, but you’re not feeling their emotions as deeply as in empathy.

Empathy: “I feel with you.”

Sympathy: “I feel for you.”

How is sympathy different from empathy?

This means that both empathy and sympathy deal with emotions. However, there’s one big difference between empathy and sympathy. Empathy involves feeling what someone else feels, while sympathy doesn’t. Sympathy instead involves understanding someone else’s emotions but from your own perspective.

“Sym” comes from the Greek for word “with” — when you feel sympathy, you’re feeling “with” someone. That’s why condolence cards often bear the message “with sympathy.” This phrase shows that you’re thinking of someone and sharing in their sadness.

In understanding empathy, there are what has been referred to as the 4 “A,s”.

Awareness 

Acknowledgement

Action 

Advocacy

Active listening and observation are vital in understanding peoples needs and emotions. Acknowledgment: This is about validating customers’ feelings and concerns, showing empathy and understanding.

According to a study published in Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, we tend to assume that other people share our feelings about similar experiences — especially when you know them relatively well. Family, friends, employees — the better you know the person, the more you assume you share the same feelings.

Which means you listen less closely. You ask fewer questions. You assume you know how the other person feels.

Even knowing that, you tend to make assumptions doesn’t really help. Taking a step back to reflect on what the other person thinks and feels can further decrease the accuracy of your assumptions, because it still means you’re making assumptions.

Trying to show you’re empathetic makes you seem less empathetic.

Especially when you say this: “I know how you feel.”

Sadly we had a case recently, where a client of ours had lost 2 children and his wife in tragic circumstances and another child lost at birth. On attending the cemetery to organise a memorial, he was confronted with  memorial staff greeting of “this must be your lucky day!” They were just about to close for a staff meeting for the day and he had arrived just before closing. Now while they could not have known of our clients circumstance, in our field of work it pays to listen before talking.

Funeral directors play an important role in helping families navigate the complexities of a funeral service, including how to express sympathy. They often provide guidance to both the bereaved and attendees on appropriate ways to show sympathy.

Professional Funeral Directors aim to balance professionalism with heartfelt compassion, guiding families through one of the most difficult times in their lives. We offer both practical and emotional support, creating an atmosphere of care and understanding.

The Grief Centre offers  a wonderful self paced online course for Professionals  titled Making the Difference.

Additional Resources may be found at Robert Nelson Funeral’s. 

 

 

Call us on Ph (03) 9532 2111 or Email robert@robertnelsonfunerals.com.au

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Robert Nelson Managing Director
Robert Nelson is a 5th Generation funeral director. He is Managing Director of Robert Nelson Funerals and ABC Cremations, based in Moorabbin, Victoria, Australia. He is Chairman of the Indo Pacific Association of Mortuary Science Ltd, Past Deputy Chairman of The Australian Institute of Embalmers, Past President of The Australian Funeral Directors Association (Victorian Division) and Past National Councillor of The Australian Funeral Directors Association.